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PurpleFox
Love is awesome. And in order to find it, you sometimes have to swallow your pride, put yourself out there, and take some scary risks. But finding love shouldnāt require you to compromise your self-respect or do things that are likely to turn you into the-guy-of-your-dreamsā hookup when you were actually trying to be his girlfriend. Here are 8 things you shouldnāt do:
1. Not having a life. Donāt be the girl whose entire life revolves around whatever guy sheās into, dropping everything for him the second he wants to hang out. Whatās way more interesting is a woman who has a full life, self-respect and options. If you want to be the girl that guys want to date and not the one they just hook up with, focus on living a great life ā maintain strong friendships, be passionate about something, eat healthy, stay active, have FUN, and enforce some standards for how men need to behave in order to be with you. If a guy treats you well, youāre available. If not, you have better things to do, right?
2. Being way too accommodating. Compromise ā like going to the restaurant he wants to go to because he went to the restaurant you wanted to go last time ā is great. But pretending to be an overly nice girl who doesnāt have any opinions or preferences is a surefire way to kill chemistry. Being a doormat is not interesting and itāll probably make him see you as just a body and not someone he wants to have a relationship with. Whatās sĆŖĆĆæ is a woman who has dreams, plans, and ideas and doesnāt immediately give them all up for a guy.
3. Tolerating bullshit. If heās giving you mixed signals ā telling you he adores you and then disappearing, for example ā but youāre still into him, ready to meet up whenever he texts, youāre just someone heās hooking up with and, as long as you continue letting him take advantage of you, youāll never be someone heāll take seriously. If you want a shot at being his girlfriend ā and we honestly hope you donāt because this guy sounds like a **** ā you should ignore his texts and move on. Thereās a decent chance heāll come to his senses and chase you or, at the very least, heāll move on to his next hookup so you can meet a decent guy.
4. Being the first to reach out. When youāre first getting to know a guy, let him reach out to you. Why? Itās a great test of whether heās worth your energy: if heās into you, heāll text you. If heās not into you, he wonāt, in which case you should focus your attention elsewhere. Itās that simple. So, if youāre coming up with all sorts of reasons why you should reach out to him, STOP. All you accomplish is showing him that youāre obsessing about him and that makes you way less attractive, turning you into a hookup option instead of someone he sees as a girlfriend. Youāre better off waiting until the next time you see him ā maybe youāll end up having a cool conversation with him that sparks his interest and finally leads him to be the first to reach out.
5. Not letting him miss you. Okay so he texted you first, you had a nice back and forth, and now itās the next day. Youāre dying to hear from him. So, you make up some lame excuse to reach out, craft a text that you (naively) think doesnāt reveal the fact that youāve been thinking about him every waking second, and hit send. Congratulations! Youāve just knocked yourself down a notch in his book. If you continue not exercising restraint, youāll just make it impossible for him to miss you and feel appreciation for you. The result: heāll get bored and move on. Remember ā guys like a challenge. The more you behave like a strong, independent woman with a full life ā one who doesnāt lose herself over a guy she barely knows ā the more desirable youāll be.
6. Tequila-fueled texting. If texting a guy whoās not texting you is a 7 on a 1-10 scale of shit you shouldnāt do, drunk texting is a 9. You might think that being drunk is the best time to text a guy youāre crushing on because you can always claim that the vodka made you do it but pleaaaaase, heāll still know that youāre totally consumed by thoughts of him and, like we said, thatās not hot. Not convinced? We did an entire article about drunk-texting that you should read now.
7. Prematurely asking him what his deal is. Once we realize we like a guy, we often fall hard and fast while the guy continues moseying along, at his own pace. At this point, he may not be totally into you but he could still get there, as long as you donāt prematurely push the issue. If you want to be his girlfriend and not just a girl he hooks up with, continue focusing on your life, behaving like a girl who respects herself, being cool and doing you. Eventually, heāll be so into you that heāll initiate the conversation. And if not, whatevs ā if youāre truly in a good, strong place, youāll be beating men off with a stick.
8. Acting like heās your boo before he is. Sure, we start picking baby names after the first date but, like we just said in #7, guys sometimes move at a slower pace. So if youāre out with a bunch of people, including the guy you just hooked up with, and heās not really paying attention to you, donāt freak out on him ā heās not your boyfriend and you have no basis for complaining. Weāre not saying heās not being insensitive ā he is ā but, at this point, the only healthy/appropriate reaction is to ignore him and continue acting like the hot, single woman you are. Maybe he takes notice, maybe he doesnāt, but you will have saved yourself from him deciding youāre crazy and then proceeding to potentially use you.
1. Not having a life. Donāt be the girl whose entire life revolves around whatever guy sheās into, dropping everything for him the second he wants to hang out. Whatās way more interesting is a woman who has a full life, self-respect and options. If you want to be the girl that guys want to date and not the one they just hook up with, focus on living a great life ā maintain strong friendships, be passionate about something, eat healthy, stay active, have FUN, and enforce some standards for how men need to behave in order to be with you. If a guy treats you well, youāre available. If not, you have better things to do, right?
2. Being way too accommodating. Compromise ā like going to the restaurant he wants to go to because he went to the restaurant you wanted to go last time ā is great. But pretending to be an overly nice girl who doesnāt have any opinions or preferences is a surefire way to kill chemistry. Being a doormat is not interesting and itāll probably make him see you as just a body and not someone he wants to have a relationship with. Whatās sĆŖĆĆæ is a woman who has dreams, plans, and ideas and doesnāt immediately give them all up for a guy.
3. Tolerating bullshit. If heās giving you mixed signals ā telling you he adores you and then disappearing, for example ā but youāre still into him, ready to meet up whenever he texts, youāre just someone heās hooking up with and, as long as you continue letting him take advantage of you, youāll never be someone heāll take seriously. If you want a shot at being his girlfriend ā and we honestly hope you donāt because this guy sounds like a **** ā you should ignore his texts and move on. Thereās a decent chance heāll come to his senses and chase you or, at the very least, heāll move on to his next hookup so you can meet a decent guy.
4. Being the first to reach out. When youāre first getting to know a guy, let him reach out to you. Why? Itās a great test of whether heās worth your energy: if heās into you, heāll text you. If heās not into you, he wonāt, in which case you should focus your attention elsewhere. Itās that simple. So, if youāre coming up with all sorts of reasons why you should reach out to him, STOP. All you accomplish is showing him that youāre obsessing about him and that makes you way less attractive, turning you into a hookup option instead of someone he sees as a girlfriend. Youāre better off waiting until the next time you see him ā maybe youāll end up having a cool conversation with him that sparks his interest and finally leads him to be the first to reach out.
5. Not letting him miss you. Okay so he texted you first, you had a nice back and forth, and now itās the next day. Youāre dying to hear from him. So, you make up some lame excuse to reach out, craft a text that you (naively) think doesnāt reveal the fact that youāve been thinking about him every waking second, and hit send. Congratulations! Youāve just knocked yourself down a notch in his book. If you continue not exercising restraint, youāll just make it impossible for him to miss you and feel appreciation for you. The result: heāll get bored and move on. Remember ā guys like a challenge. The more you behave like a strong, independent woman with a full life ā one who doesnāt lose herself over a guy she barely knows ā the more desirable youāll be.
6. Tequila-fueled texting. If texting a guy whoās not texting you is a 7 on a 1-10 scale of shit you shouldnāt do, drunk texting is a 9. You might think that being drunk is the best time to text a guy youāre crushing on because you can always claim that the vodka made you do it but pleaaaaase, heāll still know that youāre totally consumed by thoughts of him and, like we said, thatās not hot. Not convinced? We did an entire article about drunk-texting that you should read now.
7. Prematurely asking him what his deal is. Once we realize we like a guy, we often fall hard and fast while the guy continues moseying along, at his own pace. At this point, he may not be totally into you but he could still get there, as long as you donāt prematurely push the issue. If you want to be his girlfriend and not just a girl he hooks up with, continue focusing on your life, behaving like a girl who respects herself, being cool and doing you. Eventually, heāll be so into you that heāll initiate the conversation. And if not, whatevs ā if youāre truly in a good, strong place, youāll be beating men off with a stick.
8. Acting like heās your boo before he is. Sure, we start picking baby names after the first date but, like we just said in #7, guys sometimes move at a slower pace. So if youāre out with a bunch of people, including the guy you just hooked up with, and heās not really paying attention to you, donāt freak out on him ā heās not your boyfriend and you have no basis for complaining. Weāre not saying heās not being insensitive ā he is ā but, at this point, the only healthy/appropriate reaction is to ignore him and continue acting like the hot, single woman you are. Maybe he takes notice, maybe he doesnāt, but you will have saved yourself from him deciding youāre crazy and then proceeding to potentially use you.