🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room... well not too humid, because you know... my hair.

 

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How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...

 

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I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.

 

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Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.

 

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You know you're an ãdül† when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink.

 

[Cartridge]

Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.

 

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Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.

 

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I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!

 

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If Monday had a face... I would punch it.

 

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I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

 

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I really should do something with my life... maybe tomorrow.

 

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I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.

 

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Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.

 

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I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.

 

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Smiles are contagious... be a carrier.

 

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To thrive in life you need three bones. A wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone.

 

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Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

 

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Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.

 

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It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.

 

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I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!