🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.

 

[Cartridge]

My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street.

 

[Cartridge]

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

 

[Cartridge]

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

 

[Cartridge]

The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet.

 

[Cartridge]

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.

 

[Cartridge]

I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.

 

[Cartridge]

When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.

 

[Cartridge]

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

 

[Cartridge]

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

 

[Cartridge]

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.

 

[Cartridge]

I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.

 

[Cartridge]

My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.

 

[Cartridge]

Life is too short to worry about matching socks.

 

[Cartridge]

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

 

[Cartridge]

I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.

 

[Cartridge]

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?

 

[Cartridge]

True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.

 

[Cartridge]

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.

 

[Cartridge]

Our love is like a train with no brakes, unstoppable.