🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I'll add LOL at the end.

 

[Cartridge]

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

 

[Cartridge]

I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.

 

[Cartridge]

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.

 

[Cartridge]

Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments.

 

[Cartridge]

Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.

 

[Cartridge]

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade."

 

[Cartridge]

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

 

[Cartridge]

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.

 

[Cartridge]

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

 

[Cartridge]

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

 

[Cartridge]

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

 

[Cartridge]

Always be positive. Trips down the stairs Whew, I got down those stairs fast.

 

[Cartridge]

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.

 

[Cartridge]

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.

 

[Cartridge]

Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.

 

[Cartridge]

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."

 

[Cartridge]

I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

 

[Cartridge]

Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.

 

[Cartridge]

What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing.