🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

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Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

 

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I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.

 

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Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.

 

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Never judge a book by it's movie

 

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Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

 

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It's a good thing I brought my library card because I'm totally checking you out.

 

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You're like a sharpie - super fine.

 

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Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! - coolfunnyquotes.com

 

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I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.

 

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Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

 

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I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.

 

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Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."

 

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How do I like my eggs? In a cake.

 

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Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.

 

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What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

 

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Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.

 

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Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.

 

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I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.

 

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Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

 

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Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.