🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

Hi, i will be posting random somewhat funny quotes here.. hope you like it. Enjoy!

 

[Cartridge]

Here's human empathy for you: Things die all over our windshields and we're like, "Man, I just washed this!"
-Anonymous

 

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People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I don't have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons...and 85% morons.
-Frank Zappa

 

[Cartridge]

Why can't the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.
-Anonymous

 

[BakaNoBaka]

My life is such a joke, but I am not a comedian..
-Baka

 

[Cartridge]

I'm looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I've been tired since 2010.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I just spent half an hour looking for my phone in the car, using the flashlight on my phone.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

How can you hurt someone with words? Hit them with a dictionary.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My darling, this scenery makes me speechless. Husband: Perfect, we're setting up tent here.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Them: Money doesn't bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

They say time is the solution to every problem. I've been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm as single as a one dollar bill, and I don't need any change.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my ****.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

We should start referring to age as "levels." So when you're level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.
-Anonymous