🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
Anonymous