🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If every day is a gift, then today I got socks.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I don't mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Alexander Wright

 

[Cartridge]

The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

No matter how bad it gets I'm always rich when I go to the dollar store.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
Anonymous