🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago?
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If you can't remember my name, just say "Chocolate" and I'll turn around.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I eat cake because it's someone's birthday somewhere today.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board.
Anonymous