🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

Not to brag but I don't even need ******* to make really bad decisions.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel!
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.
Katherine Gaskin

 

[Cartridge]

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
Anonymous