🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

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What type of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats.
Anonymous

 

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You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'
Anonymous

 

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Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
Anonymous

 

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I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!
Anonymous

 

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Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.
Anonymous

 

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That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.
Anonymous

 

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They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration."
Anonymous

 

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I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense.
Anonymous

 

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Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
Anonymous

 

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Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.
Anonymous

 

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You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
Anonymous

 

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I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
Anonymous

 

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I put the "Pro" in procrastinate.
Anonymous

 

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People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.
Anonymous

 

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Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
Anonymous

 

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It was me, I let the dogs out.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.
Anonymous