🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Be happy, it drives people crazy.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday?
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
Anonymous