🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I don't jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm not feeling very worky today.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice?
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

So it turns out that being an ãdül† is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."
Anonymous