🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Just once I'd like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear "Monday has been cancelled," and then go back to sleep.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm slowly becoming an ãdül†... please make it stop.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

What if there was no Google? Good question.. I'll have to Google it.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough.
-Anonymous