🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

Happy New Year! Here's to another year of binge
eating, Facebook surfing, and Netflix marathons.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My new year's resolution was to quit all my bad
habits, but then it occurred to me - nobody
likes a quitter.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where is the pop corn?
-Anonymous

 

[Ikigai_]

another one (sighs)

 

[Cartridge]

Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"?
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm tired of adding 'LOL' to the end of my texts for sensitive people. I said what I said, deal with it.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Going in a teen's room is like going to Ikea. You pop in to take a look and come out with 4 bowls, 6 cups, a set of plates, and some cutlery.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Each year in the USA, 16 people are attacked by sharks and 6000 by goats . We don't need shark week, we need goat week.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Who knew that the hardest part of being an ãdül† is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I can't finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

This too shall pass... It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It's like the other vegetables aren't even trying.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I love all mythical creatures... vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I don't want to ãdül† today, I just want to dog. I'll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won't let me.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it.
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."
-Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
-Anonymous