🔒 Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I might wake up early and do some exercise, or I might win the lotto, the odds are the same.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

******* doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried."
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I'll add LOL at the end.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.
Anonymous

 

[Cartridge]

Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments.
Anonymous