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PurpleFox
1) Weāre not entitled to her acceptance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you dressed up real nice. Put on cologne. Opened the doors for her, had great conversation and maybe bought her dinner. Even learned swing-dancing last fall so you could charm her on the dance floor. (Which she loved!) But, hey, for whatever, in the end, she opted out. Declined the kiss, the next date, the whatever. She said, āNo thanks.ā and maybe never even gave you a reason (which she has no obligation to offer). You might be tempted to be pissed. Unfortunately, thatās the romantic ****** you chose to roll the dice in. You gambled and lost. But donāt worry, you can gamble again. What you canāt do is make it your lifeās mission to āget evenā with her. Youāre going to be a man about it. And being a man isnāt about not feeling hurt: sure, you can feel hurt, bummed out, whatever. Hell, you can even tell her that. The show of vulnerability is important. But you shouldnāt try to make sure sheās hurting, too, by lashing out emotionally (and certainly not physically).
2) She doesnāt deserve our anger. Sheās just living her life. And while the burden of initiation still appears to rest mostly on the shoulders of men, that burden doesnāt entitle us to expect compliance for putting our necks out there. We have no more right to a womanās time & affection that we do to Harvard granting us unconditional admission. We can knock on the door, but itās up to them who they allow into their world. Not us.
3) Want to impress a woman? Show her how you handle resistance. A strong man doesnāt fly into a rage when things donāt go as planned. He handles it with maturity. With grace. With a smirk, and a nod of understanding. And adjusts his approach accordingly. This doesnāt mean ātrying againā so many times until you wear her down (although a little persistence has been known to make a good impression.) Itās about knowing when your sights are best set elsewhere. And if you do want to change her mind, start by showing you respect her decisions.
4) Becoming a disgruntled ārejecteeā makes you one step closer to a stalker. Or an abusive boyfriend. Or a rapist. Or a murderer. Think Iām stretching? 1500 women are murdered by intimate partners every year. And they all started out somewhereāoften just with getting overly upset at a casual dismissal. You letting yourself getting too wounded by her disapproval means you could be on your way to some ridiculous pattern of over-reacting, and at its worst, possibly physical abuse.
5) Getting upset at her isnāt exactly going to change her mind. If she already was leaning away from you, youāre not exactly making her change her impression of you by freaking out and getting angry. Do you think sheās going to hear you call her a stuck-up bitch and say, āOh, maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he is the kind of charming, considerate, affectionate man Iāve been looking for after all!ā We need to earn our place in their lives through love and respect, not intimidation.
6) It might not be about you at all. Maybe sheās just exhausted. Or just got out of a relationship. Or is just getting over a cold. Or one of her parents is gravely ill. Or you remind her too much of her ex. Or her father. Or sheās in the middle of a job change. But to assume itās always because she deems you unworthy is not only often inaccurate, but smacks of insecurity and self-pityātwo characteristics that will make sure sheās not interested.
7) Youāre screwing it up for the rest of us. If your over-reacting fills her with a heightened fear of men, then sheāll be less likely to open her heart to the next guy. So not only will she miss out on possible romance, but so will your fellow men whom sheās too gun shy now to even consider. Youāre also screwing it up for all the boys and young men out there in your life who are watching you, observing you are learning from your behavior when you get rebuffed by a woman. And you can change those abuse numbers. Those rape numbers. Those homicide numbers. Even if just a little, by simply starting to take the everyday reaction of āSorry, Iām not interestedā with more maturity and aplomb. Start today: go ask a woman out. Have her say no thanks. Than smile and love along. And donāt complain about her, donāt call her stuck up or a ābitch,ā donāt over-think it and assume she thinks sheās better than you. And donāt be surprised if she comes tracking you down later wondering why you moved on so easily.
8) If you canāt handle rejection from women, how will you handle it elsewhere? Any life spent chasing goals is going to run into some resistanceāromantic pursuits aside. If we canāt handle when a woman says sheās not interested, how will be handle it when an employer says the same thing? Or when a bank says they wonāt approve our loan? When we get injured and can no longer run the marathon weāve trained months for? Or when we fall prey to layoffs during a bad economy and find ourselves unexpectedly unemployed? How we handle rejection in our romantic lives is a good barometer of how well weāll adapt when our personal or professional goals meet resistance, too. Making our romantic dreams come to fruition isnāt so different from doing so with any other goal. Sometimes you donāt get the result you want. But it doesnāt mean some other wonderful result isnāt still possible for us. We just need to accept the things we canāt change, yet have the courage to change the ones we can. And often that āthingā that needs to be changed is simply our attitude.
2) She doesnāt deserve our anger. Sheās just living her life. And while the burden of initiation still appears to rest mostly on the shoulders of men, that burden doesnāt entitle us to expect compliance for putting our necks out there. We have no more right to a womanās time & affection that we do to Harvard granting us unconditional admission. We can knock on the door, but itās up to them who they allow into their world. Not us.
3) Want to impress a woman? Show her how you handle resistance. A strong man doesnāt fly into a rage when things donāt go as planned. He handles it with maturity. With grace. With a smirk, and a nod of understanding. And adjusts his approach accordingly. This doesnāt mean ātrying againā so many times until you wear her down (although a little persistence has been known to make a good impression.) Itās about knowing when your sights are best set elsewhere. And if you do want to change her mind, start by showing you respect her decisions.
4) Becoming a disgruntled ārejecteeā makes you one step closer to a stalker. Or an abusive boyfriend. Or a rapist. Or a murderer. Think Iām stretching? 1500 women are murdered by intimate partners every year. And they all started out somewhereāoften just with getting overly upset at a casual dismissal. You letting yourself getting too wounded by her disapproval means you could be on your way to some ridiculous pattern of over-reacting, and at its worst, possibly physical abuse.
5) Getting upset at her isnāt exactly going to change her mind. If she already was leaning away from you, youāre not exactly making her change her impression of you by freaking out and getting angry. Do you think sheās going to hear you call her a stuck-up bitch and say, āOh, maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he is the kind of charming, considerate, affectionate man Iāve been looking for after all!ā We need to earn our place in their lives through love and respect, not intimidation.
6) It might not be about you at all. Maybe sheās just exhausted. Or just got out of a relationship. Or is just getting over a cold. Or one of her parents is gravely ill. Or you remind her too much of her ex. Or her father. Or sheās in the middle of a job change. But to assume itās always because she deems you unworthy is not only often inaccurate, but smacks of insecurity and self-pityātwo characteristics that will make sure sheās not interested.
7) Youāre screwing it up for the rest of us. If your over-reacting fills her with a heightened fear of men, then sheāll be less likely to open her heart to the next guy. So not only will she miss out on possible romance, but so will your fellow men whom sheās too gun shy now to even consider. Youāre also screwing it up for all the boys and young men out there in your life who are watching you, observing you are learning from your behavior when you get rebuffed by a woman. And you can change those abuse numbers. Those rape numbers. Those homicide numbers. Even if just a little, by simply starting to take the everyday reaction of āSorry, Iām not interestedā with more maturity and aplomb. Start today: go ask a woman out. Have her say no thanks. Than smile and love along. And donāt complain about her, donāt call her stuck up or a ābitch,ā donāt over-think it and assume she thinks sheās better than you. And donāt be surprised if she comes tracking you down later wondering why you moved on so easily.
8) If you canāt handle rejection from women, how will you handle it elsewhere? Any life spent chasing goals is going to run into some resistanceāromantic pursuits aside. If we canāt handle when a woman says sheās not interested, how will be handle it when an employer says the same thing? Or when a bank says they wonāt approve our loan? When we get injured and can no longer run the marathon weāve trained months for? Or when we fall prey to layoffs during a bad economy and find ourselves unexpectedly unemployed? How we handle rejection in our romantic lives is a good barometer of how well weāll adapt when our personal or professional goals meet resistance, too. Making our romantic dreams come to fruition isnāt so different from doing so with any other goal. Sometimes you donāt get the result you want. But it doesnāt mean some other wonderful result isnāt still possible for us. We just need to accept the things we canāt change, yet have the courage to change the ones we can. And often that āthingā that needs to be changed is simply our attitude.