PHLONG POST AHEAD!!!
So ito ang kwento.
Exactly a month ago, I decided to block him..
My reason: he has been ignoring me and my feelings. nagoonline naman pero parang walang pake. (at saka anniv namin wala man lang siyang ginawa. i dont even need gifts. kahot man lang greetings or sweet messages etc. WALA)
NOTE: LDR
1 YEAR IN RELATIONSHIP
So ito na nga. I blocked him june 18. after that, he changed his password rigth away. understandable kase nga ako naman nagblock.
me blocking him was really a hell for me. ako ung mas nasaktan. pero siya? ayun.. ewan ko. But my instinct sinasabi may ginagawa siya. may mali (i trust my instincts more than anyone kase laging tumatama)
ako ung message ng message after, ako ung nangungulit. siya seen lang. tapos sasabihan pa na utak ko lang kalaban ko at insecurity ko(but i swear, never akong naging insecure sa mga dati kong nakarelasyon) . i became too toxic asking questions na hindi ko nakukuha ang sagot. i admit it and right now pag naalala ko paano actions ko last month. ayokong makita at maalala.
FAST FORWARD. ako na nagapproach sa kanya. ako nagtratry umintindi at ipaintindi sa kanya mga bagay bagay.
July first week ,we talked.
masyadong mahaba ung message ko. then we started talking. he called like nothing happened (pero deep inside sakin hindi na mabalik sa dati. i cannot even say i love u often. di gaya dati sabik na sabik ako sa kanya)
One time i asked him to be honest with me i found out something. the day I blocked him last june 18 eh inadd niya kaagad ex niya. and confirmed. THEY TALKED. at plano pa niyang magvisit sa kanila sa bakasyon niya this July.Btw, my bf(ex) is part of Philippine marine corps. yes. (sobrang sakit. ung sabi ko sa isip ko papatawarin ko malang ung mga shortcomings niya at mga small lies niya para magmove forwRd na kami. tapos nadagdagan pa. sabi ko sige patawarin kase hiniwalayan ko naman.
ang gusto kong gawin niya ngayon sinabi ko sa kanya na siya na magpakumbaba kase nga siya naman nakasakit. and i told him na understand niya feelings ko. ang sagot niya “eh nakipagbreak ka sakin. at saka siya nga nagsabi na ayusin natin”
yes his ex really said that. at ang sabi ng ex niya IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH IT, FIX IT. and sagot ng bf ko “i dont want it anymore”
masakit ulit. sinabi ko ung alam ko sa bf ko. and he started to distance himself again. na para bang nakikipagaway ako. it has been more than a week ung last na apramdam niya sakin. he is online.
hindi niya pa tinatanggal photos ko sa facebook niya. i think inaantay niya na ako nalang magblock at maggive up to put the blame on how we ended
anyhow, i woke up this morning and suddenly. i cried ng sobra not because of the failed relationship but because i thank God bigla that kahit gaano kasakit mga bagay bagay. eh im still blessed somehow.
at doon ng sink in na i wanna message him and talk in a nice way. i do not hate him at all now. i understand his side to he honest. and there is a part of me na sinasabi na maybe he is struggling too, hindi niya lang sinasabi.
but the disrespect is too much for me to unseen it. the trush is broken and i do not know how can i fix it myself. and i am really ready to let go. mahal ko pa siya. mahal na mahal. but i cannot move forward while holding on sa relationship namin na di alam kung ano bang status.
i messaged him this.
tama ba ginawa ko? or binababa ko nanaman self ko? pero sinabi ko nalang sa self ko. being true to myself is not sign of a weakness. nagpapakatotoo lang ako sa nararamdaman ko.
if he is laughing kase nakkaawa ako(my best friend told me not to message kase kawawa akong tingnan at nga baka feeling niya eh di ko kayang maaala siya etc)
i really dont mind. basta sa puso at isip ko. makalma ngayon.
i dont even know why im posting this. hahah sweking question yet parang kahit anong sagot eh alam ko naman na gagawin. havang nagwriwrite nito ahhaha
i just chose to be real to myself and my feelings.
So ito ang kwento.
Exactly a month ago, I decided to block him..
My reason: he has been ignoring me and my feelings. nagoonline naman pero parang walang pake. (at saka anniv namin wala man lang siyang ginawa. i dont even need gifts. kahot man lang greetings or sweet messages etc. WALA)
NOTE: LDR
1 YEAR IN RELATIONSHIP
So ito na nga. I blocked him june 18. after that, he changed his password rigth away. understandable kase nga ako naman nagblock.
me blocking him was really a hell for me. ako ung mas nasaktan. pero siya? ayun.. ewan ko. But my instinct sinasabi may ginagawa siya. may mali (i trust my instincts more than anyone kase laging tumatama)
ako ung message ng message after, ako ung nangungulit. siya seen lang. tapos sasabihan pa na utak ko lang kalaban ko at insecurity ko(but i swear, never akong naging insecure sa mga dati kong nakarelasyon) . i became too toxic asking questions na hindi ko nakukuha ang sagot. i admit it and right now pag naalala ko paano actions ko last month. ayokong makita at maalala.
FAST FORWARD. ako na nagapproach sa kanya. ako nagtratry umintindi at ipaintindi sa kanya mga bagay bagay.
July first week ,we talked.
masyadong mahaba ung message ko. then we started talking. he called like nothing happened (pero deep inside sakin hindi na mabalik sa dati. i cannot even say i love u often. di gaya dati sabik na sabik ako sa kanya)
One time i asked him to be honest with me i found out something. the day I blocked him last june 18 eh inadd niya kaagad ex niya. and confirmed. THEY TALKED. at plano pa niyang magvisit sa kanila sa bakasyon niya this July.Btw, my bf(ex) is part of Philippine marine corps. yes. (sobrang sakit. ung sabi ko sa isip ko papatawarin ko malang ung mga shortcomings niya at mga small lies niya para magmove forwRd na kami. tapos nadagdagan pa. sabi ko sige patawarin kase hiniwalayan ko naman.
ang gusto kong gawin niya ngayon sinabi ko sa kanya na siya na magpakumbaba kase nga siya naman nakasakit. and i told him na understand niya feelings ko. ang sagot niya “eh nakipagbreak ka sakin. at saka siya nga nagsabi na ayusin natin”
yes his ex really said that. at ang sabi ng ex niya IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH IT, FIX IT. and sagot ng bf ko “i dont want it anymore”
masakit ulit. sinabi ko ung alam ko sa bf ko. and he started to distance himself again. na para bang nakikipagaway ako. it has been more than a week ung last na apramdam niya sakin. he is online.
hindi niya pa tinatanggal photos ko sa facebook niya. i think inaantay niya na ako nalang magblock at maggive up to put the blame on how we ended
anyhow, i woke up this morning and suddenly. i cried ng sobra not because of the failed relationship but because i thank God bigla that kahit gaano kasakit mga bagay bagay. eh im still blessed somehow.
at doon ng sink in na i wanna message him and talk in a nice way. i do not hate him at all now. i understand his side to he honest. and there is a part of me na sinasabi na maybe he is struggling too, hindi niya lang sinasabi.
but the disrespect is too much for me to unseen it. the trush is broken and i do not know how can i fix it myself. and i am really ready to let go. mahal ko pa siya. mahal na mahal. but i cannot move forward while holding on sa relationship namin na di alam kung ano bang status.
i messaged him this.
tama ba ginawa ko? or binababa ko nanaman self ko? pero sinabi ko nalang sa self ko. being true to myself is not sign of a weakness. nagpapakatotoo lang ako sa nararamdaman ko.
if he is laughing kase nakkaawa ako(my best friend told me not to message kase kawawa akong tingnan at nga baka feeling niya eh di ko kayang maaala siya etc)
i really dont mind. basta sa puso at isip ko. makalma ngayon.
i dont even know why im posting this. hahah sweking question yet parang kahit anong sagot eh alam ko naman na gagawin. havang nagwriwrite nito ahhaha
i just chose to be real to myself and my feelings.