"Floodlighting"

[Kaplok Kaplok]

You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

Gen Z's "Floodlighting" Dating Trend: Are You Oversharing Too Soon?

By Mark Travers, Psychologist

What is "Floodlighting"?

A new dating trend, "floodlighting," is popping up on TikTok. It refers to sharing very personal and emotional details too early in a relationship, often to speed up intimacy. Think of it as shining a bright light on your deepest vulnerabilities right from the start.
Psychologist Brené Brown originally used the term to describe overwhelming someone with vulnerability, which can feel more like a test than a genuine connection. While it might seem like a shortcut to closeness, it often pushes people away.

Are You a "Floodlighter"? Here's How to Tell:

1. You Dive into Deep Personal Stories Immediately:
Imagine a first date where you instantly click. You feel comfortable, and the conversation flows easily. But suddenly, you find yourself sharing deeply personal traumas – past breakups, childhood bullying, or mental health struggles – way too soon.
Why does this happen? Sometimes, it's a well-intentioned desire for connection. But oversharing can make the other person feel overwhelmed and create emotional distance.

• Why it's a problem: A study in Psychological Reports found that anxiety, attention-seeking, and social media addiction are linked to excessive oversharing. This highlights how emotional needs can drive us to share too much too soon.
• How to fix it:

• Pause and reflect: Ask yourself, "Why am I sharing this now?" and "Is this the right time?"
• Gradual disclosure: Build trust slowly.
• Understand your motivations: Are you sharing to connect, or to get validation?
• Timing is key: Vulnerability is good, but it needs to be timed correctly.

2. You Expect Instant Emotional Reciprocity:
When you floodlight, you often expect the other person to match your level of vulnerability immediately. You might pour your heart out, only to be met with silence or discomfort.

• Why it's a problem: "Social penetration theory" explains that relationships deepen through gradual self-disclosure, like peeling an onion. Floodlighting skips this process, creating an unbalanced dynamic and a false sense of intimacy.
• How to fix it:
  • Match their pace: If they share light stories, do the same.
  • Use the "three-date rule": Save deep talks for later.
  • Ask lighthearted questions: "What's something surprising about you?" instead of "What's your biggest fear?"
  • Pay attention to cues: If they seem hesitant, slow down.
  • Allow the other person to open up at their own pace.

3. You Use Vulnerability to Test Acceptance:
Sometimes, you might share deep vulnerabilities to see if the other person will accept you. This can create emotional pressure and disrupt the natural flow of intimacy.

• Why it's a problem: Research in Emotion Review shows that healthy relationships rely on emotional coregulation – partners mutually influencing each other's emotions. Floodlighting throws this off balance.
• How to fix it:
  • Build self-awareness: Know why you're sharing.
  • Practice self-validation: Affirm your own worth.
  • Create emotional safety within yourself: Don't rely on their reaction to feel good about yourself.

The Bottom Line:
Sharing deep conversations isn't bad. It shows emotional intelligence. But it's important to be mindful of your intentions and timing. Floodlighting is a gamble, not a shortcut. Real intimacy takes time and patience. Focus on building genuine connection, not testing someone's ability to handle your vulnerabilities.

 

[GoatPhomator666]

Okay lang siguro sa girls yung mag overshare kasi yun naman talaga dapat sila. Responsibility talaga ng lalaki ang makinig sa problema ng mga babae.

Pero kung kabaligtaran, yung lalaki ang mag overshare, hindi magandang idea. Bihira lang ang babae na nagkakinteres makinig sa problema ng lalaki. Kaya dapat matibay ang loob nating mga lalaki kasi sarili lang din natin ang tutulong sa atin.