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If youāre looking for love, this could well be because you havenāt found the right guy yet. But when the search drags long, you may want to consider if the way youāre looking for that special someone is one that truly opens you to the possibility of finding a love thatās true and enduring.
Here are a few things you may need to reassess:
1. Surface-Level Specs and Requirements
Do you feel like a guy youād consider for a relationship or even just to date needs to be a certain height or have a certain look? Yes, you could have a physical type that just plain does it for you on the attraction scale, but donāt discount a potential partner just because he doesnāt match up with this. At the end of the day, ātall, dark and handsomeā doesnāt count for as much as āsweet, funny and caringā does.
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2. First-Move Allergies
A lot of women are afraid to go for what they want in a relationship. Or maybe they just donāt want to do it. The problem is, sometimes when you donāt push for something, you just plain donāt get it. This could be for a number of reasons. Maybe the guy is a You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. or has been burned too many times and is gun shy as a result. But think about it this way: when you want something at work, like a promotion or raise, do you just gaze out longingly and hope it will come to you? Of course not. This is true for many things in life, and itās often true in the dating world as well. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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3. āMomentā Obsession
Too many women I know have let love pass them by because they waited for that Big Moment that told them that the guy could be the oneāor have experienced heartbreak because the guy who gave them that Big Moment turned out to be insincere. But after being with the same guy for over a decade, Iāve found that love sometimes lives in the small things rather than those big moments. When you know yourself and know your lover, it doesnāt take āI love youā spelled out in flower petals on a moonlit beach to understand your feelings for each other, and it certainly doesnāt take a magic carpet ride. Just the way he gives you space when you need to stew, the way he refills your coffee cup when youāre working against a deadline, or the way he texts or calls you first thing in the morning and last thing at nightāthose things often count for more than the theatrical proposals or epic meet cutes.
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4. Manhater Tendencies
Maybe youāve been burned before. Maybe youāre just feeling cynical. But when you profess all men hopeless loudly enough and often enough, sometimes the shyer, sweeter guys whoāll actually have a care for your heart may be scared off. Itās not that they donāt think youāre a great person. It may simply be that they donāt think youāre looking for a relationship or they donāt think theyāre the right person to change your mind about men. So they stay away. And sadly sometimes the guys who donāt stay away are the ones insensitive enough to not care about your negative opinions of their ***.
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5. Venue Fixation (or Dismissal)
Yes, Rihanna supposedly āfound love in a hopeless place,ā but letās be real: there are certain places that are more conducive to real human connections than others. For example, clubs may be more conducive to short-term hookups than long-lasting relationships. Still, that doesnāt mean that you should dismiss a guy just because you met him someplace you donāt think makes for relationship material. And that includes the guys you meet online and half a world away. One You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now., which involved a long-distance relationship with someone she met online and eventually moved to another country for! Just remember that, as with dating in person, there are You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now..
GIF from The Little Mermaid via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
6. Love at First Sight
Sometimes the guy you instantly feel that āclickā of attraction to or connection with turns out to be a You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.. And sometimes the guy youāve You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. for years could be the secret prince whoās been waiting to sweep you off your feet all this time. Yes, there are stories of loveāor at least lustāat first sight, of instant attraction that deepens into something lasting and satisfying. But these are much more rare than you might think. So if you decide not to a guy a chance because you donāt click with him instantly, you might just find later that youāve rejected your perfect match.
GIF from Frozen via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
7. Plastic Mystique
Thereās something to be said for presenting the best side of yourself to the world and learning to let your inner beauty shine so people on the outside can see it too. But itās entirely different if you think you have to be someone you arenāt just to attract a man. For one thing, this deception will be found out eventually, and it probably wonāt end well. But more importantly, do you really want a man who wants you to be anything but who you really are?
GIF from Mulan via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
8. Reading Is Believing
Weāre huge lovers of You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. and rom-com flicks here at Modern Filipina. But remember that fiction is fiction, so You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. or the You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.. Many of these end with the beginning of a relationship (that moment when two people decide to be together instead of apart) rather than focusing on the reality of a relationship, which can be much more mundane and challenging, but which is ultimately more rewarding. We often hear guys complaining about the unrealistic expectations of the women they meet, and sadly, romance novels are partially to blame for this. Instead of focusing on what you think love should be like, based on what youāve read or seen, focus on the person youāre interacting with. Love, in the end, is all about making a real emotional connection with another person and having him reciprocate that.
GIF from Beauty and the Beast via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
At the end of the day, the key is to be yourself and be true to yourself. Love isnāt something you plunge into headfirst without any care or notion of whatās going on around you; true love helps you ground yourself and makes you more aware of the world, of the time you have in it, and of the one person youāll want to spend the hugest chunk of that time with. It wonāt be easy. The truth is, happily ever after is the stuff of fairy tales, while real couples know that happiness is a choice and an effort you make every single day youāre with your significant other. When you understand that, you may just find you wonāt need to look for loveāit wonāt just find you, itāll be all around you, in so many different forms.
Here are a few things you may need to reassess:
1. Surface-Level Specs and Requirements
Do you feel like a guy youād consider for a relationship or even just to date needs to be a certain height or have a certain look? Yes, you could have a physical type that just plain does it for you on the attraction scale, but donāt discount a potential partner just because he doesnāt match up with this. At the end of the day, ātall, dark and handsomeā doesnāt count for as much as āsweet, funny and caringā does.
GIF from Beauty and the Beast via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
2. First-Move Allergies
A lot of women are afraid to go for what they want in a relationship. Or maybe they just donāt want to do it. The problem is, sometimes when you donāt push for something, you just plain donāt get it. This could be for a number of reasons. Maybe the guy is a You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. or has been burned too many times and is gun shy as a result. But think about it this way: when you want something at work, like a promotion or raise, do you just gaze out longingly and hope it will come to you? Of course not. This is true for many things in life, and itās often true in the dating world as well. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
GIF from The Little Mermaid via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
3. āMomentā Obsession
Too many women I know have let love pass them by because they waited for that Big Moment that told them that the guy could be the oneāor have experienced heartbreak because the guy who gave them that Big Moment turned out to be insincere. But after being with the same guy for over a decade, Iāve found that love sometimes lives in the small things rather than those big moments. When you know yourself and know your lover, it doesnāt take āI love youā spelled out in flower petals on a moonlit beach to understand your feelings for each other, and it certainly doesnāt take a magic carpet ride. Just the way he gives you space when you need to stew, the way he refills your coffee cup when youāre working against a deadline, or the way he texts or calls you first thing in the morning and last thing at nightāthose things often count for more than the theatrical proposals or epic meet cutes.
GIF from Aladdin via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
4. Manhater Tendencies
Maybe youāve been burned before. Maybe youāre just feeling cynical. But when you profess all men hopeless loudly enough and often enough, sometimes the shyer, sweeter guys whoāll actually have a care for your heart may be scared off. Itās not that they donāt think youāre a great person. It may simply be that they donāt think youāre looking for a relationship or they donāt think theyāre the right person to change your mind about men. So they stay away. And sadly sometimes the guys who donāt stay away are the ones insensitive enough to not care about your negative opinions of their ***.
GIF from Hercules via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
5. Venue Fixation (or Dismissal)
Yes, Rihanna supposedly āfound love in a hopeless place,ā but letās be real: there are certain places that are more conducive to real human connections than others. For example, clubs may be more conducive to short-term hookups than long-lasting relationships. Still, that doesnāt mean that you should dismiss a guy just because you met him someplace you donāt think makes for relationship material. And that includes the guys you meet online and half a world away. One You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now., which involved a long-distance relationship with someone she met online and eventually moved to another country for! Just remember that, as with dating in person, there are You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now..
GIF from The Little Mermaid via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
6. Love at First Sight
Sometimes the guy you instantly feel that āclickā of attraction to or connection with turns out to be a You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.. And sometimes the guy youāve You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. for years could be the secret prince whoās been waiting to sweep you off your feet all this time. Yes, there are stories of loveāor at least lustāat first sight, of instant attraction that deepens into something lasting and satisfying. But these are much more rare than you might think. So if you decide not to a guy a chance because you donāt click with him instantly, you might just find later that youāve rejected your perfect match.
GIF from Frozen via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
7. Plastic Mystique
Thereās something to be said for presenting the best side of yourself to the world and learning to let your inner beauty shine so people on the outside can see it too. But itās entirely different if you think you have to be someone you arenāt just to attract a man. For one thing, this deception will be found out eventually, and it probably wonāt end well. But more importantly, do you really want a man who wants you to be anything but who you really are?
GIF from Mulan via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
8. Reading Is Believing
Weāre huge lovers of You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. and rom-com flicks here at Modern Filipina. But remember that fiction is fiction, so You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. or the You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.. Many of these end with the beginning of a relationship (that moment when two people decide to be together instead of apart) rather than focusing on the reality of a relationship, which can be much more mundane and challenging, but which is ultimately more rewarding. We often hear guys complaining about the unrealistic expectations of the women they meet, and sadly, romance novels are partially to blame for this. Instead of focusing on what you think love should be like, based on what youāve read or seen, focus on the person youāre interacting with. Love, in the end, is all about making a real emotional connection with another person and having him reciprocate that.
GIF from Beauty and the Beast via You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
At the end of the day, the key is to be yourself and be true to yourself. Love isnāt something you plunge into headfirst without any care or notion of whatās going on around you; true love helps you ground yourself and makes you more aware of the world, of the time you have in it, and of the one person youāll want to spend the hugest chunk of that time with. It wonāt be easy. The truth is, happily ever after is the stuff of fairy tales, while real couples know that happiness is a choice and an effort you make every single day youāre with your significant other. When you understand that, you may just find you wonāt need to look for loveāit wonāt just find you, itāll be all around you, in so many different forms.
