PH
Two people can agree that they're having relationship difficulties while disagreeing substantially about what the actual problem is.
Each person experiences the relationship from their own perspective, notices different events, and assigns different importance to them.
This is one reason conflict can become stuck around “proving” whose version is correct instead of identifying what each person experienced.
Understanding another person's perspective doesn't necessarily require agreeing with their interpretation.
Sometimes couples aren't arguing about one problem—they're arguing about two different experiences of the same event.
© American Psychological Association