✍️ Arts/Lit Partition: Chapter Eight

[Ryemark Concepcion]

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To guide you through the chapters, click on the provided link below:​

PARTITION SERIES​

 

[Starrdust]

I'll read this later, thank you sa update author!

 

[_Awe_]

Magandang umaga author TS. Ako ay natutuwa at may karugtong na ang iyong kuwento. Subalit ipagpaumanhin mo, hindi ko pa ito mababasa sa ngayon. Pagtutuunan ko ito ng pansin mamaya, o bukas. Salamat..

 

[Ryemark Concepcion]

My pleasure. Take your time

 

[Ryemark Concepcion]

My pleasure. Take your time

 

[_Awe_]

May nakita lang akong slight (errors?), I think,

1. crazy lier,
2. Robed man with a case in "her" hand,
3. "Moistured" cotton vs. moistened cotton,
4. Gathering up "datas",
5. As long you keep your limits,

Nagtaka lang ako sa behavior niya, kasi bigla siyang naging meek at parang submissive in front of the doctor compared dun sa detective. At parang di pa nagsink in sa kanya na wala na yung nanay niya (if namatay nga talaga), hindi ko maramdaman sa emotions niya yun. Or dahil siguro, gulong gulo pa siya.

 

[Starrdust]

One of them gets the loudest scream - very awkward basahin. Siguro need i-rephrase?

The massacre is all a made-up story - same comment. The massacre is nothing but a fabricated story.

..and his mild shock doesn't hide - He's in his late thirties, a black man with a round face which showed his mild shock. Ganyan na lang siguro.

Data is already plural.

... that some patient of high maintenance?- awkward for me again

provoked about him? - which provoked him? - Or mas magandang i-rephrase din ito.

Bakit ka sa wrist kumuha ng dugo?? Masakit yan. Hahahaha. Hindi ba sa part ng arm? Hahahahaha

 

[Starrdust]

Nasa comment mo pala yung datas. Hahahaha. Sayo na yang point na yan. Hahahahaha

 

[_Awe_]

[XX='jncndlcpa, c: 1226275, m: 1832526'][/XX] hahaha. E dun sa "Take it as an advise"?

 

[Starrdust]

[XX='Awe_56iu, c: 1226280, m: 1801178'][/XX] san na yan banda. Tiningnan ko pa ang difference ng advice na noun and advise na verb. Hahahahaha

 

[_Awe_]

[XX='jncndlcpa, c: 1226286, m: 1832526'][/XX] dun lang yun sa baba ng number 5 ko, i mean dun sa taas.

 

[Starrdust]

[XX='Awe_56iu, c: 1226291, m: 1801178'][/XX]



Eto? Mas appropriate yata ang advice.

 

[Ryemark Concepcion]

May nakita lang akong slight (errors?), I think,

1. crazy lier,
2. Robed man with a case in "her" hand,
3. "Moistured" cotton vs. moistened cotton,
4. Gathering up "datas",
5. As long you keep your limits,

Nagtaka lang ako sa behavior niya, kasi bigla siyang naging meek at parang submissive in front of the doctor compared dun sa detective. At parang di pa nagsink in sa kanya na wala na yung nanay niya (if namatay nga talaga), hindi ko maramdaman sa emotions niya yun. Or dahil siguro, gulong gulo pa siya.

1 to 5. Fixed. Thank you for noticing them. ❤

Regarding sa behavior ni Yura towards Dr. Emil compared to Detective Caerlang:

At that moment pa lang kasi ni Yura nakilala yung doctor kaya yung behavior niya towards him is not aggressive compared sa detective.

Other reasons why na hindi siya naging aggressive sa doctor:

▶The doctor spoke with her kindly even when she refused to answer his questions only because na kasama pa nila ang detective.
▶The doctor cemented her request for privacy with him and appeared to have defended her argument with the detective.
▶The doctor gave him an advice about not limiting her aggression towards the detective. Of course, bilang isang professional na doctor, hindi niya pinakawala yung word na "aggression" to his patient, instead sinabi niya lang na, "As long as you keep your limits, nothing will trouble you." It's a euphemism for: "As long as you limit your aggression, nothing will trouble you." For me, the latter is downright unpleasant and frank, which is highly unusual for a doctor if he aims to win the trust of his patient.

With those reasons, kaya si Yura nag allow na magpakuha ng blood sample.

Reasons bakit aggressive si Yura sa detective:

▶Yura believed that she was accused by the detective.
▶Yura E×ρréššed her disbelief by showing aggression.
▶Hindi ipinaalam nung detective ang kanyang name kay Yura.

Regarding naman sa feeling ni Yura towards the incident, significantly sa nanay niya:

Later ko pa sana to ere-reveal yung cause ng amnesia niya, but para may hint tayo, here is the screenshot of my search:



Salamat. ❣

 

[Ryemark Concepcion]

One of them gets the loudest scream - very awkward basahin. Siguro need i-rephrase?

The massacre is all a made-up story - same comment. The massacre is nothing but a fabricated story.

..and his mild shock doesn't hide - He's in his late thirties, a black man with a round face which showed his mild shock. Ganyan na lang siguro.

Data is already plural.

... that some patient of high maintenance?- awkward for me again

provoked about him? - which provoked him? - Or mas magandang i-rephrase din ito.

Bakit ka sa wrist kumuha ng dugo?? Masakit yan. Hahahaha. Hindi ba sa part ng arm? Hahahahaha

Sa concerns in 1, 2, 5 & 6. Na rephrase ko na dito sa draft ko.

Sa 3. I'll think about it kasi okay naman para sa'kin yung sentence structure.

Sa 4. Fixed.

Sa 7. Here's a screenshots answering your concern:



Salamat. ❤

 

[Starrdust]

Kasi pag sa wrist kinukuha yung dugo, chine-check yung oxygen ng blood nyan.

 

[Starrdust]

Awkward talaga yung three. Pero if tingin mo tama na, okay na yan. Hahahaha

 

[Ryemark Concepcion]

[XX='jncndlcpa, c: 1236408, m: 1832526'][/XX]

 

[Starrdust]

[XX='ArviousConsiali, c: 1236473, m: 1826950'][/XX] I mean, alam ko yan from experience kasi. Hahaha. Masakit talaga yan. Hahahaha. Pero usually if routine check sa elbow talaga kumukuha.

 

[Ryemark Concepcion]

[XX='jncndlcpa, c: 1236410, m: 1832526'][/XX]

Kasi pag sinunod natin to:

"He's in his late thirties, a black man with a round face which showed his mild shock."

Parang ini-indicate ni Yura na yung E×ρréššion niya na "mild shock" is permanent na sa facial features niya.

Whereas, pag ito:

He's in his late thirties, a black man with a round face, and his mild shock doesn't hide.

Naka E×ρréšš lang yung mild shock niya at the moment. Siguro, dadagdagan ko nalang siya ng "at the moment" para clear.

 

[Starrdust]

[XX='ArviousConsiali, c: 1236509, m: 1826950'][/XX] Sige, check ko na lang after mong ma-revise author.