funny jokes

"DALAWANG LASING...NAGLALAKAD." LASING-1: Shege pare, Ayan na yung bahay namin eh, dito na lang ako, salamat sa paghatid mo sakin ha! LASING-2: Mali ka pare, hindi yan ang bahay mo... diyan ako nakatira eh... kaya sa amin yang bahay na yan! Okey? BABAE :(Nagbukas ng pinto}.. Hoy, mga Unggoy...

TEACHER: Pedro, ano ang tawag sa taong patuloy na nagsasalita kahit hindi na interesado ang mga tao? PEDRO: Isang teacher mam!!

TEACHER: Juan , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? JUAN: No, mam, it's the same dog.

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sê×ÿ body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your Sense of Humour." !!

Interviewer: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? Millionaire: I owe everything to my wife. Interviewer: Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her ? Millionaire: A Billionaire !!

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. "My father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

SON: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. MOM: Well, you have done the right thing son !. SON: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

GIRL: Luv, When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. BOY: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. GIRL: Well, that's because we aren't married yet.

ESPIRITISTA: Di ba ang hiling mo eh kulamin ko ang misis mo para maging baboy sa s3x? O, epektib ba? GUY: OK sana, kaso naging 12 ang d3de niya! Nakakapagod!!

WIFE: Aha! bakit may lipstik ka? niloloko mo ko ano? MAN: Ha, ah eh kasi dear...... WIFE: At ito, ano to? make-up ito ah!!! MAN: Ha, ah eh dear kasi..... WIFE: Hindi ba napag-usapan na natin na magmula ngayon, eh magpapaka-lalaki ka na?

Kapag bored ka na at walang magawa magbukas ka ng zipper ilagay mo ang kamay sa loob at ilabas mo ang libro galing sa bag mo at magbasa ka!!! kala mo ha!!!

Man told lady after he raped her... 'in nine months you will have a child, call him Hercules!!!' The lady replied, 'in nine days you'll have rashes on your *****, call it herpes!!!'

don't make the same mistake twice.. madami pang kasalanan jan, try mo ung iba.

"whenever I feel like cleaning my room... I lie down until the feelin is gone"

Its not good for a woman to be alone in this kind of past time venue. Please give me traces and reasons why am I in this kind of position in blocks of fairy land like backyard. -- si inday nawawala sa enchanted kingdom

GMA: Sorry na-late ako. Grabe ang brownout sa makati eh. 1 hour kami sa elevator Erap: Mas grabe ang brown out sa San Juan. 2hours kami ni jinggoy sa escalator :)

6. Allowance 5. Assignments 4. exams 3. grades 2. instructors 1. papel pansin mo??

10. masakit ang tyan at hindi na inabot ang cr 9.umakbay ka sa ibang tao na kalo mo friend mo 8.nagulat ka pero walang nagulat 7. nagjoke ka sa madaming tao pero walang natawa 6.panay salita mo wala ka na palang kausap 5.pag na nkikitawa ka sa mga magfriends na nagjojoke sa jeep. Feeling close...

if youre ears itch, someone is thinking of you.. if youre eyes itch, someone wants to see you.. if youre lips itch, someone is dying to kiss you if youre entire body itches.. hehehe ano akala mo?? ligo ka na oi...